Chapt 1 (Part 2): Don't let circumstances decide how I'll serve the Lord. Let my conviction decide.

After Loren figures out that all that he had left was nothing but his wife, God brought him through a rather interesting test. Loren was on the make shift home van and his wife was driving it while he took a rest. Lo and behold, before he could close his eyes, he was swerved about the van left and right and the rest was history. He awoke from him unconsciousness and couldn make sense of what he was doing sitting in such a wreckage. Besides the mess that he saw around him was his wife lying unmoving. Darlene was not breathing and her eyes were wide open. No matter how Loren tried to call out to Darlene, there was not a single response. The only conclusion Loren made was.. she's gone!

At this very point of time, the Lord asked Loren, "Loren, will you still serve me?" What a question to ask at this juncture I thought to myself. And the thoughts of how I would react flooded my mind. Would I just brush the question away? Would I just leave God? Would I just not want to serve the Lord anymore? It was really a tough question to answer especially when I know God has taken someone so dear to me away.

God brought me back to what Ps Khong preached about today - The blood of the crown.
#1: Turns failure into FRUITFULNESS - there is great gain
#2: Turns frustration into FRESHNESS - there is gladness
#3: Turns fear into FAME - there is glory

I saw these 3 points so evident in Loren's life. At the point of time when Loren had lost his life and also his all, he still answered the Lord, "Yes, I'll serve You. I have nothing left except my life... and You can have that too..." Here stood a man who understood the blessings of the Cross and the blood of the crown. Though there was a sense of despair, but Loren still chose the Lord despite all that has happen. I can only marvel at how much Loren understood God and trusted in Him. There was a sense of gain, gladness and glory Loren carried with him at that time when he was with the Lord despite the circumstances around. And I totally believe because Loren chose to put the Lord first, the Lord honoured that and saved Darlene by His miraculous way. The Lord has indeed turned every negative situation at that very point of time into something that was for more worthwhile. As I read and reflected, I know there is power that God can release when we lay down our rights. Loren said in his book, until the moment he thought he'd lost everything, he never realized that nothing in this life actually belongs to him.

When I surrender my personal rights to the Lord, for His sake and the sake of the gospel, I can discover the secret of inheriting the whole world for Him.

God, bring me to understand a deeper measure of the blood of the crown and teach me to serve You not based on circumstances around me, but based on my conviction for You in my life. :)

Chapt 1 (Part 1): The way I respond to the turns of life will determine how far I can go for the Lord.

I felt like I have lost many reasons to why I do things.. and some how I feel like I have lost my primary motivation to labour for Him. Recently I found myself very bitter cos of the things that has happened.. not only just uncle eddie's death.. and finally I decided to pick up the book Making Jesus Lord once again. I read this book when I was a very new Believer and my prayer is that as I pick this book up once again, God will bring me back to what it means to die to self regardless on how people treat you, how I feel, what the world has become etc...


The very first statement of this book struck me.. It says, "It's amazing how one small turn can change your life forever." Wow! Just by raising my hand on that fateful day at TC really has changed my life and brought me where I am today. But on that very same note, the death of uncle eddie also meant a change of my life. Turns happen at every juncture of my life. But I have the decision to turn left, right or U turn. In the very same way, I have the choice to be thankful, grateful, remoreseful, sad, happy. The author of this book, Loren Cunninghem, gave up all he had and obey God at all costs. He gave up the ministerial status with the church, an opportunity in a multi million dollar business to obey the Lord to start an interdenominational mission. It was a new beginning for him for a new turn he decided to make. Together with his wife, he answered God's call and laid down both his chance for a bright financial future and the prospects of a successful career in the church. There was almost nothing left for him to give up.. perhaps the only thing left for him was his wife. It was a tough decision for this turn would be tighter financial status, lesser visual support from the family for God, but it was definitely a turn that he was grateful and thankful for though he had to struggle.

After reading this part, I asked myself, am i ready to do all these for the Lord. Now, I'm a cell leader and how far am I willing to go for the Lord.. are the different turns in my life going to affect how I will serve Him? E.g. Will I just fall away from God because he took my godpa and He's "didn't" answer my prayer to heal him? It is a question that I dare not answer too hastily. I can just say a Yes very easily.. but when crisis hit... will it still be a Yes firmly? My prayer is that I will live this life that will count for Him and in whatever situation, I will give IN to ANYTHING that the Lord wants from me. Not just give up because it already all belongs to Him... not just everything, because everything belongs to Him to start with already. God, teach me to give up to my rights and give in to You more and more.

missing you...

i miss my godpa.. i really do. new year is around the corner and it's the first time i am spending new year without him. i still remember the yester years where he would walk thru the main door and look for me and hand to me a very very big angpow and i would give him a huge hug. it was never about the ang pow.. but i can vividly remember him doing that every year without fail.. and it was a feeling of love, care and concern that only he could give me. he is prob the only one who will pamper me... but he just left without a word.. juat like that silently. if there is one thing i will hate him for, it will be just that.

after 1death, 1failure and 1no-need-to-try attempt, i will close this chapter. it's unfair and i do not understand the rationale at all and i shall not bother to waste my time understanding it. i'm upset but i will let it go.. it's not worth it. one and only godpa, godma to none. dont talk to me about the word god*a anymore. if i ever have a chance, it will prob be God's healing grace for me. but i dun think i will ever have the courage to ask anyone anymore. you killed all hopes...

God, you have the right to take anything cos you own everything of mine. It's hard to say this especially when a loved one is gone.

Kris†ine ♡ says:
when someone passed away, u may feel sad at the loss of a dear one. but at other corners of the earth, new ones are born..
Kris†ine ♡ says:
and fresh new starts are just beginning..

awwww.... :)